Rant.

Here's my evil side manifesting itself.

Don't you get it, it's either yes or no, no matter what you do, you're getting nothing, you're getting zilch, in the remote possibility that I'm favored, there's nothing for you.

No matter what you do. I am extremes, and the extreme is absolute zero.

As for me, I feel I've been cast aside already. There was a glimmer of hope that I got lucky and chanced upon a favorite movie. I watched that a long time ago, and I still like it. I'm a cat person. So I didn't even think something would happen, because I when I saw it, I thought, oh, cats!

So I'm already gone because I pushed too much, I like sex too much, I have too much gone uncontrollable, and when I sensed it, and I wanted to change, to pretend I'm good, to save it, too late, I think, even if I turned the volume down, tarnished already, even if I became good, I'm always bad because look at what I keep doing, flagrant disregard.

So there's nothing for you and nothing for me, either.

Bunch of leeches.

If you hadn't been sucking up to me, I would've stayed pure, I would have stayed happy, watching cats, singing, playing video games. But no, you had to get involved, had to butt in, always sweetening up to me. I hated it.

It takes one to know one. So I saw you. Yeah, a part of me is an ass-sucker too, I am a leech too, I am greed personified, I am evil because all I want is for personal gain. I know because I'm one. But you know what? I kept quiet. I enclosed myself because I know how horrible I am. I am very effective in concealing, in lying, in being so fundamentally true, that I can dance like I don't care, that I can sing like it's all about me, that I can do whatever I want. So yeah, I really hate being fake.

Oh my goodness I just want to watch cats. My goodness. I need to correct this. Purge this out. I need to do what I need to do, and I need to do it without associating it with you.

What a costly mistake. Instead of being set for life, it's gone.

I've got some massive erasing to do. Like if I were rubber, I'd have to be the blue, rough kind, big, that erases ink. I've got to think of a really convincing metaphor to start fresh. Like I really need to reach rock bottom and go up. Or a complete reformat. Or a new hard drive. Like I have to hit my head on a rock, sustain amnesia, and forget. Like I have to do chemotherapy, clean out the bad blood... none of it is working.

So that's why I was gravitating towards the leaving, because that's one way of a complete restart.

But no, I was asked, so I stay.

I need to forgive. Or I need to cross it out. Or I need to quarantine this bad sector. It's ridiculous. Nothing I think of is feasible enough to be a solution.

Hmm... maybe a divorce. I don't know what it feels like. There's crying.

Or I kill this evil side and be half dead. Only the good half living.

Hmm... mooch or fake ass bitch... that's what I Googled. Pretending to be nice if there is something to be gained. So the idea is to keep the something to be gained and lose the pretenders.

How the heck do I shake off pretenders?

Oh yeah, when I was planning my departure, oh my goodness, even that, why do you even make it a point to know. Oh my goodness. I gotta make it a point to make my stressors mind their own business.

There is nothing anymore, I'm discarded already, I'm a has-been, I am past tense, I was last season's fashion, I am a Nokia 3210, I am stale, I am rotten, I have mildew, I'm a one year old panty. Unless you know something that I don't know, that's why you're still mooching. Curiosity in me is finished.

Oh my goodness, gotta think like my stars and face the hate like they do.